For some reason I can’t get away from the negativity that clouds most of my thoughts. When did I become such a negative person? When did I begin doubting my relationships with people and fearing the validity of my relationships? I thought things were getting better, but I'm still so insecure about everything. Is it the friend's fault for never making me feel like I’m important or is it my fault for continuously questioning my own importance?
Fear constantly looms over my head. My past continues to remind me that someone may be here for me today, but tomorrow, their feelings could waiver and they could just leave. I know that the past does not define the present nor does it define the future, but I also know that history repeats itself. There are two branches of logic with two opposing viewpoints so which one do I choose?
I wish I was more confident in my friendships, I wish I was more confident in myself, and I wish I had the strength to move on from the things that have hurt me. What do you do when someone tells you how inspirational you are for getting through such adversity when in reality, you haven't gotten through it and that you're still struggling with emotional scars? What do you say when you open up about how you really feel and the only response you get is a slightly-less-abrupt, slightly-more-elaborate version of "get over it"?
I know I over-analyze and I pick at the same issues, but what does that say about what I think about? I feel obsessed with my own problems because I have not yet found solutions. I don't want a listening ear and a mouth that tells me it's going to be okay. I just want to stop feeling so sad all the time and I’m not sure how to do that.
